An Open Letter to Anxiety – The Biggest Arsehole I Know

 

Dear Anxiety,

You’re a bit sh*t really aren’t you? Perhaps we should maybe take away the ‘bit’ and switch it with the word ‘massively’, because that sounds better. Yep, anxiety, you’re massively sh*t. That sounds about right. Not only are you draining, but you’re pretty debilitating too. Yes, I understand that you serve a necessary purpose with regards to survival and all that jazz. It’s a vital evolutionary trait that’s stuck with us humans and has kept us safe and on the alert throughout time.

I suppose it was particularly useful back in the day of our Neanderthal ancestors who wanted to avoid becoming a tasty snack for a ferocious beast of some description (possibly some kind of Sabre Tooth Tiger?). This was when good old anxiety was required and functional, and the right kind of situation where the switch for fight or flight mode got activated in our brains. Do we hide and make a narrow escape from this fearsome and terrifying creature when convenient? Or do we take the risk and spear it, thus providing a hearty meal and a decent supply of meat for the near future?

Fortunately today, we’re not going to be pounced on by a Sabre Tooth Tiger as we take a stroll to Morrison’s for a 4 pinter of semi-skimmed milk, a delicious crusty farmhouse loaf and a foil wrapped pack of unsalted Lurpack spreadable (only if said Lurpack’s on offer though, I’ll take the supermarket’s branded alternative otherwise).

Unfortunately, humans haven’t evolved to turn off the fight or flight mode when it’s not required and this mode likes to keep us safe, even if there is no real danger or threat in reality. This is very much where anxiety enjoys taking the spotlight, especially with rogue thoughts. Don’t get me wrong, some types of anxiety are TOTALLY normal; say you’ve got to make a speech, take an exam or you’re finding out the results of a recent test at the hospital. That’s completely justified to have anxiety, and if you didn’t? I’d question whether or not you were some kind of scientifically engineered super cyborg type creation.

The point I’m getting at is the persistent type of anxiety where your mind likes to play tricks on you. When you’re chilling at home watching a bit of trash TV. One minute, you’re watching a mind numbing programme about glamorous and attractive members of the human race prancing about in the sun in designer swimwear. Before you know it, suddenly these horrible thoughts occur out of nowhere, rear their ugly heads and make you panic. Your heart begins to race, your throat feels tight and you feel like you could throw up that nice two can dine in for £10 deal that you bought at Marks and Spencer’s earlier. These are the times that this evolutionary trait is not necessary.

I’m going off on a tangent here anxiety, but I think we needed to run through all that, just to doubly justify how awful you truly are. You like to make people think that they’re dreadful people, that the worse is destined for them and that all these negative situations you present to them, will actually come true. It’s because these thoughts are so scary, that it makes that person sit up straight and take full notice of them, leading that person to find a way to reassure themselves in an attempt to calm down. You make us feel literally heavy, like we’re carrying a weight. I like to think that the best way to describe this feeling, is like there’s a 20 stone body builder and a rhinoceros sitting on my chest, indulging in a spot of afternoon tea.

Self-doubt is another thing you’re good at provoking anxiety; you make us feel like maybe we’re not good enough, not attractive enough or not fun enough. You make us over analyse any and every situation to ensure what we did or said was okay. To make sure that we didn’t upset anyone, or ensure that nothing got misconstrued along the way. You make us worry about our health, and you make us feel like the slightest symptom is life threatening (which once typed into Google, confirms our worst fears, thus heightening all the symptoms you present to us). You make us feel like we’re on the verge of failure. Basically, you make us feel like danger’s lurking around every corner, waiting to get us and trip us up.

A particular favourite of mine, is when I’m in bed, ready to switch off for the night and then you come along and offer me a selection of my worst memories ever, or a plethora of negative situations that could happen. You make me layer my worries until I’ve hit a wall and some of the most catastrophic situations have occurred. You make me over analyse everything and suggest negative scenarios that could arise in the future.

Another personal favourite (which I mean in the most sarcastic of manners obviously) is when you, anxiety, came along and say “Hey Bud, I see things seem to be going pretty well for you at the moment right? Be a shame if something were to happen”. That’s when your uglier cousins ‘What If’ and ‘Imagine if’ join in the fun. They’re nasty bastards too.

Anxiety, you make people feel weak. You make them feel like they’re incapable of handling things. But do you know what? People can be a lot stronger than you make them out to be. And you know what else? There’s absolutely no shame in talking about it. There’s no shame about going to the GP’s and telling them you’re struggling. There’s no shame in seeking help in a therapist to assist you through this, and there’s certainly no shame in taking medication. After all, you’d go to the hospital and take painkillers for a broken leg wouldn’t you?

Despite recent improvements, I do feel as though there is still an element of stigma associated with this and other debilitating mental health conditions, which needs to change and with continued campaigning, this certainly will. But there’s one last thing I need to say to you anxiety, because I do feel like I’m babbling now. But you anxiety, really are nothing more than an arsehole. The biggest arsehole I know in fact. And indeed, your time to disappear, will come soon.

Photo Credit to Kristopher Roller via Unsplash

Pippa Masson

Pippa is head of content at Suit Your Look and specialises in fashion and beauty.

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